What is the one word that most anxious people hate? Change. Fear of Change is quite common to most people, but it thrives when you struggle with mental health. Any sort of change, big or small, seems terrifying; you don’t want to end up ‘stuck’ living a life that doesn’t bring you joy.
Our society is on an upward path now that a vaccine is readily available to some. I’m pleased to see how our lives will change once the state of emergencies and curfews lift. I’ve been using these last few weeks to honestly evaluate and assess what I need to personally change to find those moments of joy that seem so few and far between these days.
I am taking into account my Seasonal Affective Disorder. Still, I know that many old routines and regimes I had in place are not cutting it for me anymore. One major issue I’ve been battling for a few years (yes, YEARS!) is my current career. My passion for it has been sizzling out, but my anxiety has convinced me to stay. When I initially got hired, I was happy to have a job but told myself that I would keep looking. Nothing came from the abundance of resumes that I sent out for over a year, so I stopped. Life happened, and I made excuses all over again: “I’m recovering from my car accident,” “I’m planning for a trip,” “I’m pregnant.”
Now, I’m saying: “I’m a mother and need to save for retirement, so staying in a dead-end career is preferable to the risk of starting something new.”
When I said that to myself after coming back from Maternity Leave, I felt gutted. Why am I settling for something that I no longer enjoy? I’ve decided to challenge myself to overcome this fear. It’s gradual and at my own pace, but it’s a start in a new direction. The mere thought of it makes the days a little bit bearable.
With that being said, Anxious Andrea will most likely be phased out by the end of this year. This is nothing to be sad about; writing still brings me joy, and it’s been such a privilege to share my personal experiences with you. As we grow and shift through life, we notice that our energy and time need to be placed elsewhere, and that’s what’s happening!
Are there any topics that you want me to write on?
Are there any questions that you have in regards to mental health?
Do you want to scream at me for inciting change?
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The Gray Space 